3 scary reasons you have to stop being a people pleaser right now and forever.

3

No seriously please. Enough already. Your life depends on it like Kanye West depends on Kanye West.

The more you try – the duller you become. I’m not saying you should be a d*ck (yeah, you read right, I meant a duck). But pick your battles. Life is too short to get caught up in considerations and aspirations that you will never meet – neither should you.

See, trying to please everyone is like going to the ice cream stand and asking for all of the flavors. All at once. You’ll just end up with a disgusting magma of sweet fattening non-vegan milk. You’ll get diabetes. And you’ll die. See how dangerous it could be?

biohazard ice cream

When you understand that the first person you should please is yourself, you’ll suddenly uncover a new side of life that you didn’t even suspect existed. You’ll start being true to yourself, and by doing so, you’ll create healthier relationships with the people that should matter. To you.

1. If you have more than 3 close friends, you have none

Fewer friends = more time to each friend = deeper and more meaningful relationships.

And your best friend should be you by the way. Don’t fear loneliness. Embrace it when need be. You are the one true person that wants the best for yourself. Cherish yourself. Have fun with yourself. Enjoy your hobbies. Unless those involve the torturing of kittens. Then don’t enjoy your hobbies. Kittens are holly.

cute kittens
Kittens. Because why not.

We all need feedback, and that’s why being able to count on close relationships to provide honest and constructive comments is necessary to improve in deliberate practice theory. Even better, getting a coach for whatever you’re trying to achieve works best. Be accountable to the right people.

Self-cherishing actions such as posting on social media and confusing likes for qualitative feedback is a mistake.

2. Stop the paranoïa

Stop thinking that people don’t like you, don’t respect you, or that you hurt them with something you said or did. Let me clarify what people think about you: nothing. People don’t care. They might care for a minute when that’ll be your turn on the gossip agenda, but your 10 seconds of fame doesn’t mean they care. They are just bored.

“But Gary, I know people judge me!” would you argue.

First, chill.

What makes them judge you? The conjunction of two elements:

  • they are envious – most of the time, unconsciously;
  • they are afraid of doing to same as you and step outside of their comfort zone.

comfort zone

Also, noteworthy of mention is that you don’t have to worry about what people think or say because you know how we are all going to end up in a few years. Buried.

after-death

So please: enjoy your time above ground, don’t sweat the small stuff, care less about what people think and more about what you think of yourself. Wow – those 1,824 self-help books eventually rub off on me.

3. Your reputation is an illusion

We need to be able to say goodbye to that religion of appearance, heightened by social media and the constant quest of “looking good.” You are not perfect. You’ll never be, and you’ll never even come close. Guess what? No one will.

Your reputation, you might think. What will it become? Trust me. You have none at the scale of humanity. People around you might know you for some traits of your character, but once again, that’s irrelevant. That’s a bubble you need to escape.

Why? Because even if you were to make a significant dent in the universe, people would only remember you for what you created. For what stuck. Not for your reputation. Did you know that Plato was a notorious pedophile? I’ll still enjoy his philosophy. Did you know that Henry Ford was a rabid antisemite? I won’t stop driving though. Did you know that Zuckerberg likes to send anonymous dick pics to Facebook users? That’s because I made that up. But you get the point.

If you don’t create, you don’t have any legacy. That means you’ll cease to exist pretty soon. Sorry, Bye!

You’re on this planet for a few decades, and that’s already a miracle. But you get one shot, don’t waste it. In 100 years, no one will talk about you. So don’t undermine your potential with those beliefs and don’t let an unfounded fear hold you back.

instagram inspiration

Why are we so afraid of it all? Because of individualism and the illusion that we must protect our image at all costs. But we’re just humans. Reread this. We are only humans. Like an ant would say I’m just an ant. No one fucking cares about the ant. We barely care about the ant nest. We are part of a species that doesn’t care, eventually, about us. So stop being afraid of others’ judgments, because it won’t exist for long.

 

About the author

Gary Paris

Hey, I'm Gary Paris. Yeah, yeah, like the city. In Texas. I'm a French comedian doing a bunch of stuff in NYC. Like standup, writing, or even acting. Discover all my little secrets here and check me out on Instagram.

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